The Thoughts...

I admire the people who always talk about how grateful they are for their friends...

I'm sure I do have good friends...

but sometimes I wish I had different ones.

Nevermind, that's stupid. God has blessed me.

I don't wish for better friends. I wish I could be more grateful

I must say, that song (Favorite things) would definitely fall at the very bottom of a list of my favorite things, because I am in deed NOT a fan of that song. However, times are tough (real tough) and I have decided that instead of going through a routine of grieving and shooting off an attitude, I'll just focus on some goods...so here we go-- my favorite things:

:: A good song. A really really good song that just makes you feel like it was written to cheer you up at the very moment you need it. Something that matches your exact moment and fits like a glove. Right now? I guess that song would be Lost! by Coldplay, or The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson. They are not my favorites songs ever, they just fit so well right now.


:: An improv conversation with Abby. When I call her house as an alias and we continue on with a conversation for seven minutes about something completely random, I have to laugh when I think about it later on in my day because I'm impressed. Impressed that we are so ridiculously funny.



:: Mexico. I love Canada too, but Mexico taught me about something other than myself. It taught me real poverty and happiness that is provoked by something other than material things. While it was extremely sad to see how these people live it was also beautiful. Adam's Van was also a huge plus.


:: Passion. Wow what a great event. Between Louie and Francis' talks and seeing great worship leaders like Charlie Hall and Crowder (all in the same weekend), I was just at a loss for words! Passion also provided an opportunity for God to pull me out of a really rough spot when no one else could or would. While the event was only a day and a half, I'm still experiencing the effects of it 6 months later.


:: A mix CD, especially from Cole. I love hearing what other people listen to. Even if I think it's crappy. But typically, if a person takes the time to make you a CD they probably put a lot of effort into it. For instance, when I make a CD I want people to be impressed with what I listen to, therefore I give them my  best, even if it's not my favorite. I also try to cater to their tastes. I think Cole really does the same thing when she makes a CD. It's almost like artwork. While you may not have written or performed the music, you did put in the time to put all the songs together in an order you see fit.


:: Buffalo. Call me crazy but I love the snow. It's more than that though. For me, I guess it holds some sort of significance. My dad and his siblings really value the fact that they grew up there and I guess sometimes a part of me is jealous because of that. While I'm sure many of the people who have grown up wouldn't see it like that, but I loved the time that I spend/have spent there. It's so much more than flying or driving up there. It's my family, my friends, hockey, the weather, the food, and the fact that it feels like home. That's another thing. Buffalo will always be home for so many people...but no matter how long you live in Hilton Head, it still just feels like your visiting.



:: Joey and Heather's kids. They are, incredible. While Levi isn't pictured here, there is no doubt in my mind that he will be just as great as the other two they are raising. They have taught them to be polite, while still having the humor of their parents. James and Nolan are incredibly silly and never fail to put a smile on my face. And while I haven't spent much time with Levi yet (because he's only two months old), he's still adorable. Trust me, there are no other kids that I would ever take to Disney by myself. Probably not even my own.


:: Christ Church Student Ministries. Such an incredible group of kids. When I first decided that I wanted to be a youth director, I never ever imagined that I would ever find a group like this. While right now I am only a volunteer leader, I must say, there is no other group I'd rather be a part of. These students are committed and caring. They are so easy to please and really understand what it means to serve. I am so thankful for them. They really keep me going and they are one of the few reasons I am still in this area.


:: This may sound horrible, but I LOVE tv. Like really good sitcoms or HBO series.  Not so much into the typical shows like 24 or Lost. And I am NO fan of reality tv with the exception of the one season of Kid Nation that was out last year. But I love 30 minute sitcoms like it's nobody's business. Something that I don't have to be too invested in, but can still make me laugh for 22 minutes straight (we have tivo). So yes, tv is one of my favorite things.


:: And last but not least...anything that makes you go "wow. God is for real, isn't he...?" It's different things for different people. Sometimes you see it in someone. Sometimes you see it in a picture, or a moment, or a song. Maybe it's nature, maybe it's man-made. But really, anything that makes you take a second look and think about that fact that we are just here by coincidence. There's a God who loves us who just wants us to love Him back and to show Him by doing the things He's asked us to do. I'm not always doing a good job of that, but sometimes thats why I think He shows us those things: as a reminder.

1. First and foremost: the accent…not just the little bit of southern you hear, but the full on thick accent. I can handle a little bit but once the constant use of “ya’ll” is entered into a conversation I have to check out. I’m unable to concentrate if I can’t understand what the hell you are trying to say.

 

2. The poor vocabulary: I’m sure it’s more than just a southern thing, but I could be wrong. I once heard a sentence that said “Ain’t ya’ll never used a dictionary bafure” and just about lost it. I didn’t knock every Grammar test I’ve ever had out of the park, but I certainly would know better than to eff up a sentence that bad.

 

3. The Confederate Flag: I’m going to explain something to you and I’m going to need you to sit down. The War Between the States is over. The north and  south are no longer battling and there’s no need to flaunt a symbol that is completely outdated.

 

4. The idea of the “Bible Belt”: It’s a joke. Religion is not as prevalent as we make it sound down here. The fact that everyone goes to church means nothing. People make their lives as private as possible, but once someone finds something out, the “prayer requests” make their way through.

Example: We really need to pray from Anne, her husbands had a wandering eye, if you know what I mean…and we just need to prayer to the Lord for their marriage that they don’t find themselves in sin.

 

5. The weather: I can not handle not being able to leave my house because the second I do I’m going to be dripping from head to toe. It’s impossible to spend any time outside because it’s just too hot.

 

I’d go on, but at this point I think I’m just offending people.

So today is Thursday, I leave for Mexico on Monday. I'm so excited and so nervous at the same time. I want to say I'm happy nervous but people's reactions to Juarez have not been good so far. Everyone knows it's a dangerous place but I know my reasons for going over there are good. I've given it some though and I mean if guys like Shawn Claiborne can go to Iraq in the middle of a war, then why is it any less safe to go to Juarez with 15 students and 15 adults? Anyways, even though everyone thinks it's unsafe I'm still excited because someone won't have to live on the streets anymore after next week.

I'm a little sad though that Bess, Neal, and Heather won't be there. I had a lot of fun with Bess and Neal last year and I wish Heather could go even though she's pregnant. It's crazy to think she's having another boy. I think I'm the God-Parent. I'm not sure what that means, but if it means what my God-Parents did then I guess I spend lots of money on him. I don't think it'll be any different though that Nolan or James. I love them both as if they were my own already.

This summer is hot and the economy sucks. I feel like I don't have the time or money to do anything. I got a new car. I still haven't sold mine. The new one doesn't feel like my car. My old car had so much character. Dents and bumper stickers. But no a/c and it won't make it north, so I guess it was just time to upgrade. The process was hell. It was super stressful but in the end I got a great deal. It's not my favorite color, and it has a lot of hail dents but I got a really good price on it so it's fine. I'm grateful that I have parents who rather than just give me the money
or do the research for me, actually taught me to do it myself. I am not a little more self sufficient than I was the week before.

Work is really stressful. I like everyone there this year and I think we all have a good relationship and are really grasping teamwork but sometimes I just can't handle the stress. It gets to be too much and some nights it's not worth the money. I guess it's something I'm going to have to pray about while I'm in Mexico.

This summer has been good so far. I've worked, gone to Myrtle Beach, bought a car, seen Rilo Kiley, and continued to struggle to figure out the next step in my life. I have no clue about Pittsburgh anymore. I have completely stopped praying about it and listening for God's call, which is a shame considering He is a pretty important factor in it all. Anyways, I guess I need to get a move on with that and start figuring out if that's where I'm supposed to be.

I'm going to Buffalo at the end of the month. I really hope it's a good trip. Christmas was so fun and even though November's trip was stressful it was pretty great too. The last summer though ended up not being my favorite trip though and I just hope that I don't have to experience discomfort like that again. This trip should be a good one though.

All and all that's the best update I've got. I recently read back on old journal entries. I was crazy with updates and it's neat to see where I was and where I am now. I think I liked me better than. Although I was more naive, I feel as though I had a more pure heart and had been cleaned out and cleared of the corruption. I feel worn as though that new feeling as faded. Sometimes though, you can see a little glow come through...and you know I've still got some Jesus.

So it's been a while since I've written and I guess I've been busy. School ended and I started back at NYCP.

I'm just going to jump right into the reason I'm writing. Sunday night Heather called to inform me that Josh George, a former student in the Cross Youth program was in a car accident after prom Saturday. I didn't think much of it though and I think I relied on the community I am a part of to just pray for his recovery. He was on life support but Josh is a good kid, and a lot could come of his recovery; God's gotta heal him.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. Josh was on life support and since there was no brain activity, they took him off of it Tuesday morning. Student's wept at the prayer vigil I went to that day, most of them didn't even know Josh had passed. I felt as though it didn't hit me directly. i no longer attend Church of the Cross, but when I did, I often saw Cheryl (his mom) and was close with Jessie (his sister) when we both attended youth group.

But I felt for their family. I really did. And I actually still do. I've cried. Not because I miss Josh (even though, strangely enough I do). But because I know a lot of people do miss him.

I listened to stories at the memorial yesterday that were truely amazing. Stories that told about a boy who respected his mother, and was a dear friend to so many. It sounds so cheesy but it's really true. They even told a story about how Cheryl went out of town one weekend and all the kids were talking about the parties he could have and all he could say was "No I'd never do that to my mom."

I didn't have many Josh stories. He attended at the same time as 70-80 other students and it was hard to get close to everyone. But I knew who he was. Mostly because he cracked his head open on the ski trip when trying to show off for some girls. Everyone talked about him when they thought of that ski trip. We told that story even before he passed. He was so concerned with whether or not he'd get blood on his jacket.


That picture is notorious. And will continue to be. And I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but I think it's safe to say for the people who were a part of his life at this time but no longer are think of him like this. But I think it's a good thing because it was a moment he was goofy and took a scary situation and lightened the moment.

I know this is becoming quite the long blog, but I also wanted to reflect a little about the people I've ran into the past few days. I haven't seen a lot of the people I used to go to youth group with. And I've recently been thinking about how I'd run into all those people at graduation and how weird it'd be. I thought that a lot of them wouldn't acknowledge me. They aren't involved in church anymore, and I'm sure they think that I'd probably just judge them or something.

But the truth is, as I saw a lot of them these past few days I a: felt for them and their loss and b: admired them.

This may sound weird but they seemed so real. They are real high school students. They don't hide the things they do and they know who they are. While I probably don't condone the things they do, I doubt I could judge them. I mean how could you? No one's asking them to live a certain way. They're real though about the way they live.

I then got frustrated at the people who were living double lives. Like the leaders of the college bible study who preach the bible and how good it is and then pack up their bibles and highlighters and go home and have sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend. Or maybe they go out after to a party and get trashed.

Church is a place for everyone. It really is. But I think I'm just sick of seeing people hypocrites and fake people. It seems impossible to not appear as a hypocrite and be a Christian, but honestly...you could at least try not to fit the stereotype....

That's not what this blog was for though. I will continue to pray for those close to Josh. Especially his mom and siblings. I can't imagine what they are going through and truely wish I could take away any pain they may feel.

Here's a dedication to the old youth group. I really really miss these days:

You were meant for amazing things.



thanks Heather S. This was greatly needed.

As silly as it sounds happened here....

It was the opening of Passion (obviously...geez, I should just call this the freakin Passion blog or something...).

Ok well anyways, they opened with one of the most beautiful Orchestra pieces I've ever heard (Lark Ascending not included). Like seriously, I don't know how I don't cry every time I watch this video.

The music is just so beautiful and so deep. And while they play this piece, a design appears on the screen and there's a rose and it falls with the music and it's just crazy. Seriously, I probably just sound insane but it was beautiful. I felt so alive.

There was soooo much energy in the room I literally thought I'd explode. It's probably one of the memorable moments when I knew I was really feeling God. He was there. He HAD to be. And I'm sure He was just as excited because this whole freakin moment was dedicated to His Son!!! Craziness, I know...

I don't clearly remember my reaction I just remember thinking I couldn't believe I was fortunate to experience this. I know my jaw had to be open because it was like I knew God was getting ready to show me some big things. And ironically enough He did. He's neat.

Anyways, above is the video that doesn't give the moment any justice. It's not the first piece, but the second in which they played Bittersweet Symphony (which I have always LOVED)...and I'm going to type out the words that were on the screen:

HELLO ATLANTA
We're so glad you're here
We've invited you to our amazing city
To LIFT UP the Beautiful One
His name is
JESUS
His fame
Is what Passion
Is all about
Are you with us?
He's the Son of God COME DOWN
Beauty under a sinner's crown
The innocent life laid down
The One where death from grace abounds
and just in case you missed it
JESUS IS ALIVE
Our Mission
A generation awakened
To make Jesus famous
A generation marked by worship and justice
A generation working together to change the world in Jesus' name
We just came from *names the cities*
And in every city we pose the question:
Could their ever be a day when His fame echoes loudest and our campuses hear his name?
We believe it's possible
It's time
It's coming
He's here
He is
Everything bright and good
Lasting and true
Everything new
He is
Price Payer
Shame bearer
Grave Ender
Breach Repairer
Crown Wearer
Rearranger
Hope's Anchor
World Changer
Church Builder
Always Sustainer
Freeing
Loving
Neverending
He is here.



Well that's it. It's a lot. But it's true. So thanks Passion, for reminding me that Jesus is alive. All day, everyday.

So, I'm in class right now and the entire semester I've sat online and just ignored the monotone lecture.

But today I kind of wanted to recap a little bit on the past two weeks.

Since I got home from Passion, I've had a bit of a change going on in my heart. It's amazing what 27 hours can do for you. The things that were not at all appealing to me a few weeks ago, have now gone back into my interests. And they're all positive things; reading my bible, going to church, growing spiritually.

There's been a shift in my attitude as well. Before if you asked how I was doing you'd think something tragic had occurred in my life, but I've tried to be more positive. I've tried to be more cooperative with the people in my life and just shifting everything as a whole. It's really been an uplifting experience.

Also, I've added podcasts to my agenda. I've started listening to a couple different speakers, mostly related to Passion. It's really helped me grasp some things in the bible as well as find where I stand theologically on certain things.

A recent thing that I've really started to address in my life is materialism. I heard a message recently that really convicted me on what we spend our money on and whether it's good stewardship. Now, I'm the last person to be able to tell someone they are not good stewards of their money, but I personally felt convicted. I'm really just trying to figure out where I stand on a few things.

But when I called Joey to rant about my recent epiphany, he suggested I speak about it at youth group. So within the next week I will have hopefully created some sort of message to speak at CCSM within the next couple weeks or so. I'm nervous though, I've never really spoke on something I became passionate about so quickly.


In other news....
Youth Sunday is in 10 days. We will be singing 10 songs. Woah, that's a lot.

I'm going to sing Hosanna. REALLY exciting. I just hope no one has ever heard Brooke Fraser or Christy Nockels do it cause I'll butcher it next to them. I wanted to learn a little more about the song though so that I really had a grasp on the meaning and why it was written. Here's a video blog Brooke Fraser did for the song explaining how she wrote it:

hahahahahahahahhaahahhaha this was really funny.


I'm not sure how this started, but in the year of 2007 a group formed called the No Klax Club. The group had 5 members and met in the half bath at Joey and Heather's old house.



We met once, for a meeting called "First Order of Business" and never returned again. Thanks for the reminder of this great moment in time, Heather.

So, I guess it's a good week when you post twice in a row and it's not negative.

It's been a really long time since I've read my bible. I've had people bribe and pry so much in the past year and I think that last weekend was just what I needed to really get that push. And I've used this blog so much for venting the negative that when I had something really positive going on, I really felt the need to write!

So today when I was riding to Savannah, I was listening to Louie Giglio's podcast. Somewhere in all of his tangents and random ideas he decided to send some encouragement to the people who had finals and projects coming up these next few weeks. Even though I rarely feel the stress of school (probably not a good thing) I really enjoyed the passage he read to let everyone know how God wants us to endure.

So here it is, it's long but I wanted to type it out:

Colossians 1:9-14

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.
And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord that may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God,
being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully
giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves
in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

So that's long and if you don't want to read through it, I understand. Trust me. I would have read Jesus wept before last weekend. It would have been to long for me and I would not have been able to hold my attention for those two words.

Well, someone must have been praying hard for me. In fact I know a lot of you were and for that I thank you and can only hope that I can return the favor. I feel like while I was struggling so many people were telling me that they would pray for me and I feel like I just disregaurded it. But as you can see above Paul talks about how they haven't stopped praying for them. So whoever has people like that in their life must be lucky. Well, I feel like I have people like that in my life and I feel like they would be the people I wouldn't expect and so even though those people probably don't read this blog, I thank them.

I hope this is the start of a good streak. I know it's so cliche to have a turn around but oh well, it is well needed.